i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
