I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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