don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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