best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
