oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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