Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize