I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I take back everything I said about communal showers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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