it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
