Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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