i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
