I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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