i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
