Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
