I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
