its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
