you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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