honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
