Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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