you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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