I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
