Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
