i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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