so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
