fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
