It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
