so explain again why im purple
no
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
