I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize