i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God I need to hump something, right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
