i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
