So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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