The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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