so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
