Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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