He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
