It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
