She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im part way to drunk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
