Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
