Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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