if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he thought i was a dude.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
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You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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