I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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