Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
