She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
