if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
