Swine flu. Run for my life!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
