yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
