Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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