I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
