Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
