...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
