When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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