we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
