New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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