Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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