I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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