my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im six kinds of drunk right now
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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