if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
