Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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