They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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