Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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