made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
