I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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