I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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