Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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