neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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