plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
