when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got chris browned last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
