its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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