I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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