I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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