i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
