i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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