never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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