SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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