omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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