that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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