I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
