nut hugger
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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