need another drink. this is the easiest way
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize