'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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