It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
vagina is talking i cant
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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