i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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