i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
