On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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