I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
