I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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