i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
