She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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