Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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