there's paper in my vomit.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
