Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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